Glancing at the headlines last night, I saw one which made all others melt right off the page.
Actor George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis split
June 23, 2011
That's right,ladies, George is single.
All the pieces of my plan are falling into place. George is free for the picking, and I've lost 12 lbs so far on my Clooney diet.
Twelve pounds! The other day? I thought I saw my toes. But the lighting was poor and I only saw them for a brief moment. It was like was like one of those elusive Bigfoot sightings. Only I didn't have my camera with me. Damn!
So. George is single. My Clooney diet is working. There's just the whole me being married thing in my way at this point.
I'll have to see what I can do about that.....
Now I'm off to find some scissors and a gluestick so I can cut her pretty, sad face out of that picture and glue mine in its place.
What's missing from the brown button today? A number. Why? Because they only put your number in the brown juggling lady button when you're in the top 25. And guess what. I am no longer in the top 25. Sniff. I am number 26. Not even on the first page anymore. Is that the saddest thing you've ever heard or what? That's sadder than when my sweet little goat Houdini dies last week. That's right, I am not above invoking the names of dead pets if it heightens sympathetic feelings for me and gets you to vote. And people? I will devote a whole post to this whole voting thing if I don't see my numbers higher tomorrow morning. I'll do it, I will. You don't want that. I don't want that. But I'll do it, so help me....
If You Got Ten Minutes, Sleep
5 hours ago