A few Steven Wright-isms for you.....
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Quotes courtesy http://www.weather.net/zarg/ZarPages/stevenWright.html
Picture courtesy mcpspeakers.com