Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Pocket Envy

I stopped at WaWa yesterday afternoon to make a couple quick pick-me-up purchases. I paid the nice lady and up till that point everything was easy-peasy-lemon-squeazy.

But then the hard part came. The cashier handed me back my change, consisting of a few singles and some coinage.

Those of you who fall under the classification of normal are asking, no doubt, why getting my change back would be qualified as "the hard part".

Well, I'll tell you why.

Here's what I had to do, in sequential order, before I could walk on out the door:

1) Take the change in my hand and slide my purchases, my purse, and myself over a few steps to the left, so as not to inconvenience the next customer.

2) Put the coins in the zippered coin compartment of my wallet and then begin facing my bills.
Facing my bills.
Yes. Because I'm an OCD wannabe, my money has to be all facing the same direction, right-side up and facing front.

3) Place the bills in the bill section of my wallet, smaller bills in front, larger bills in the back, and nothing out of order.

4) Situate the wallet into the designated compartment of my purse, with credit cards facing upward to make it easier for a pick-pocketer to steal my debit card.

By the time I accomplished all of the above, grabbed my purchases, and slung my purse over my shoulder, three guys had since checked out and walked out the door.

I was suddenly struck with pocket envy. These men were simply taking their change and shoving it in their pockets
on the fly!
Not one second was wasted arranging their change before they waltzed care-free away from the register.

This gave me pause. I could save so much time if I would just use pockets instead of my purse!

But I wasn't wearing any pockets. I was wearing my go-to Mom uniform of T-shirt, indoor-outdoor Ugg slippers, and yoga pants
Yes, those of you tittering behind your hands, I do a LOT of yoga. My favorite positions are downward-bending manure shoveler and outward-reaching egg cracker.

So, no pockets in my pants, what to do, what to do...?

I remember seeing an army vest that my youngest used to dress up in when he was going through his military phase. It was wall-to-wall pockets and clips and secret compartments.

But neither olive green nor camouflage do me any favors, color-wise, and really I would look like I was playing dress-up with my son.

I should design my own military vest for Moms. A Momitary vest.

This one here has compartments for everything, from cough drops and first-aid to lipgloss and eyeliner. But as practical as it looks, it also screams throw to the ground pat-down. That wouldn't do.








This next one has no practicality whatsoever. Why would someone even design such a thing? Because it looks cute? I've got no use for cute ....













Guess I'll have to keep searching. Or design my own. I've got my work cut out for me.
But just you wait. I'm going to start the hottest new trend. All the Moms will be wearing them. They will render both the purse and the diaper bag obsolete.

And we can still wear our yoga pants.



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Military vest:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iWgRiFottxs/TWUnz5eGpWI/AAAAAAAAA5c/MfqNeHw39kI/s200/military%2Bvest.jpg

Fashionable military vest:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Bn4L6HbnvUI/TWUpMmAPzTI/AAAAAAAAA5k/VQEzPpKmhFo/s200/mil%2Bvest%2Bgirls.bmp

4 comments:

Lori Printy said...

so you know...downward-bending manure shoveler and outward-reaching egg cracker, warrented a laugh big enough to shoot coffee out my nose.

You are riduculous. Love it.

farmbeachgal said...

That's what I was aiming for.

kazkidcomestonebraska said...

Maybe it is time for the fanny pack to make a come back...."they" say the 80's are back in style!

kazkidcomestonebraska said...

Maybe it is time for the fanny pack to make a come back...."they" say the 80's are back in style!

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