Friday, April 1, 2011

Fred and Anne Talk Adoption

I know by now you've all seen the video of the talking babies.

Cute, right?

What you might not know about them is that it's actually Fred and me.

That's right.

We met a looooooong time ago. Some would say we were just babes.

And I thought you might like a translation of the dialogue. You'll be the first....

Btw, I'm the one doing all the talking. Fred's the one holding onto the refrigerator. To the untrained ear (and to Fred), it might just sound like blahblahblah, but there's much more to it than that. Take a look .....

Me: I want to adopt more children.

Fred: No. Absolutely not. I'm putting my foot down on this one.

Me: Why not? Give me one good reason.

Fred: (laughing) You're kidding, right?

Me: No, no, no, I'm not kidding. And now I'm gonna put MY foot down, dammit. I think we need to talk about this!

Fred: Hahahahahaha. You crazy, b**ch.

Me: Don't you laugh at me! Listen here .....

Fred: No, YOU listen! You see this foot? The one with no sock on it? This foot will kick your crazy a** right out the kitchen if you keep talking about adopting more kids.

Me: Oh no you don't. I've already initiated things with the agency. The social worker will be here to start the homestudy next Tuesday and you'd BETTER put some clothes on!

Fred: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. No way in hell we are adopting another kid.

Me: No, not just one kid. I want to adopt a sibling group of five with congenital heart defects and stunted limbs and ....

Fred: I'll put them right in this oven. See this oven?

Me: Oh no you won't. You'll cook them breakfast in that oven is what you'll do.

Fred: Me? Cook them breakfast? How 'bout YOU do some laundry you crazy mother .... I've only got one sock! Where the **** is my other ***damn SOCK?!

Me: No, no, no, don't you even start on me about the laundry. And you BETTER get your head in the game on this. NEXT TUESDAY, do you hear me?

Fred: I'll tell you where I'll get my head, right in this freezer. I am going to climb right inside this ***damn freezer to get away from your crazy bull****.

There's a little bit more to the conversation, but it just got uglier from there.

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farmbeachgal said...

Mommy used to be so pretty... has left a new comment on your post "Fred and Anne Talk Adoption":

Hee hee!

I don't speak baby,

but with the translations,

it was like actually being there...

hee hee!

Lots of love, neighbor!

farmbeachgal said...

My sincerest apologies to Sari from Mommy Used to be so Pretty and to Lori from Five of my Own. They commented on this post, but I screwed up in only a way that I can and the comments did not get published (I will not torture you with the whys and hows of my screwiness).
So I cut and pasted their comments from my e-mail in-box and posted them here, but they look like I wrote them myself.
Again, only in a way that I could screw this up. Enough said.

farmbeachgal said...

Lori Printy has left a new comment on your post "Fred and Anne Talk Adoption":

so you guys are adopting another kid eh?

alphamama said...

Say, if you're adopting again, be sure to get all teenage boys...and if it's a sibling group you want, I have a set of three.

farmbeachgal said...

Ummmm......Dee...... lemme get back to you on that!

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