I know by now you've all seen the video of the talking babies.
What you might not know about them is that it's actually Fred and me.
We met a looooooong time ago. Some would say we were just babes.
And I thought you might like a translation of the dialogue. You'll be the first....
Btw, I'm the one doing all the talking. Fred's the one holding onto the refrigerator. To the untrained ear (and to Fred), it might just sound like blahblahblah, but there's much more to it than that. Take a look .....
Me: I want to adopt more children.
Fred: No. Absolutely not. I'm putting my foot down on this one.
Me: Why not? Give me one good reason.
Fred: (laughing) You're kidding, right?
Me: No, no, no, I'm not kidding. And now I'm gonna put MY foot down, dammit. I think we need to talk about this!
Fred: Hahahahahaha. You crazy, b**ch.
Me: Don't you laugh at me! Listen here .....
Fred: No, YOU listen! You see this foot? The one with no sock on it? This foot will kick your crazy a** right out the kitchen if you keep talking about adopting more kids.
Me: Oh no you don't. I've already initiated things with the agency. The social worker will be here to start the homestudy next Tuesday and you'd BETTER put some clothes on!
Fred: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. No way in hell we are adopting another kid.
Me: No, not just one kid. I want to adopt a sibling group of five with congenital heart defects and stunted limbs and ....
Fred: I'll put them right in this oven. See this oven?
Me: Oh no you won't. You'll cook them breakfast in that oven is what you'll do.
Fred: Me? Cook them breakfast? How 'bout YOU do some laundry you crazy mother .... I've only got one sock! Where the **** is my other ***damn SOCK?!
Me: No, no, no, don't you even start on me about the laundry. And you BETTER get your head in the game on this. NEXT TUESDAY, do you hear me?
Fred: I'll tell you where I'll get my head, right in this freezer. I am going to climb right inside this ***damn freezer to get away from your crazy bull****.
There's a little bit more to the conversation, but it just got uglier from there.