Clooney Countdown

I'm sure I've mentioned before that my sister, actress/comedienne/singer Mary Birdsong,















filmed a movie last year with George Clooney.















George MF Clooney.


At long last I have learned that the release date for the movie The Descendants is set for Dec 16th.

And I am planning, whether Mary wishes this or not, to attend the premier as her guest. That's right, I'm butting into the front of the line ahead of any would-be suitors. Screw her love life, this is about me getting to meet George Clooney.

George MF Clooney.

Here is the first of the trailers. Just a teaser really, but it's cool b/c Mary is in it at the end of the clip.

So now I have seven months to get into reasonable shape before I meet him. Because for him to even glance towards my side of the room I can be no more than 95 lbs fully clothed.

So I'm going on my Clooney Diet which shall consist of the following....

Breakfast: stare at an 8oz glass of water.

Lunch: 1 stalk of celery, minced into pieces the size of grains of sand, to be eaten one grain at a time, chewed thoughtfully before swallowing.

Dinner: 1 leaf of iceberg lettuce. Plus the shell of one hard boiled egg.

If I should so much as look at a carb I shall impale myself in the eyeballs with a red hot poker.

I shall outfit a stationary exercise bike with a thoracic harness and foot straps that will allow me to exercise while sleeping.

With fortitude and perseverance, I can reach my goal weight of 83 lbs in time for the premier.

I still need to talk to Fred about whether he'll permit a "pass" for me with George.

Of course, at 83 lbs I may not have the strength to capitalize on a pass.