"I can't take these kids anymore!" I yelled to Fred as I stormed into the room.
"Uh-oh. What happened?"
"None of the bigger kids can get along for more than like TWO SECONDS when they're getting ready for school. They're constantly jumping down each other's throats. Over the littlest most insignificant things. I just don't GET them."
"I'm assuming there's more...?"
"Yes. So they all get on the bus and I go to wake up Daniel by calling up the stairs to him. I called him and I called him and I called him AGAIN."
"Yeah. I heard you 'calling' to him."
Is he condescending me????
"So at one point after I called him for like the bazillionth time, he started crying. CRYING. Said his stomach hurt."
"And so then ...."
"And so then I marched up the stairs
(pounding my feet really hard with each step for effect)
and I stormed into his room and I said 'You get your bottom dressed and downstairs right this minute young man. I've been calling to you for like a half HOUR!"
"So what did he do?"
"Nothing. He just looked at me and said, 'OK, Mom, jeez. Why are you so upset?' and I said 'Why am I so upset? Calm down? Are you kidding me? I've been calling you to come downstairs to get ready for school for a half hour!!!' So then he finally came downstairs and I had put some Pepto on the table for him and he said, 'Why did you give me Pepto?' and I said 'For your stomach ache' and he said 'But I don't have a stomach ache' and I said 'oh yes you do you were crying and telling me you had a stomach ache' and he looked right at me and said 'I don't know what you're talking about' "
And I looked over at Fred packing his underwear into his suitcase and cried,
"And I can't believe you're leaving me!"
"Well, don't say it that way. I'm not leaving you. I'm just going to a conference. I'll be back in a few days."
"You're leaving me. You're flying off in an airplane and someone will bring you a little plastic cup of soda with ice and a little bag of pretzels and then you'll check into yor hotel and it will be all clean and pretty with no dog hair or socks and you will sleep in a bed with fresh sheets and you will eat in restaurants every night where you don't have to cook the food or put your dishes away or clean up the pots and pans and when you come back to your hotel room at the end of your conference every day it will be quiet and there will be no dog hair or socks."
And so Fred bit back his smile and gave me a hug and told me he would be back before I knew it. Told me to go take my shower
that I should have taken a HALF HOUR AGO but Daniel was dragging his feet
and he would go check on our youngest to make sure he was moving along with getting ready for school.
So I did, and oh, what perfect timing for a visit from my special friend.
And no that has nothing whatsoever to do with my state of mind right now
And Fred came back up to give me a report
before he left me
that Daniel was doing OK and had finished his breakfast and packed his lunch.
He said, "I asked him what all the trouble was this morning and he didn't seem to know what I was talking about. So I told him that you said he was having trouble getting moving and getting ready for school."
"And what did he say to that?" I asked, thinking he would have some lame justification for not being more responsible and independent.
'Well Dad. Mom was overdramatizing things a bit.' "
Oh the injustice.
Oh the nerve.
Oh my, I.... I feel faint. I may just pass out.
Are you dramatic enough to click the button? Go ahead. Make my day.
2 hours ago