And That Brings Us Up To Speed

So the last few days I've had you all put on your bloggles to look back in time at what passes for my life. And you've seen.....

3 years ago
My outrage at a system that would have orphans sing and dance and put on a Mother's Day celebration.

2 years ago
The beginning of me losing my grip on sanity as a new Mom to 6.

1 year ago
My life seriously messed up: Taking kids to the ER when push came to shove (and shove came to fist fights and beating each other with bats) and losing (even fleetlingly) some of my children.

So where does that leave us today?

Depends on the day.

Some days I feel actually ....normal. For the most part the kids are getting along, doing OK in school (cough - most of them), and doing their chores without grumbling (much).
Sprinkle in some smiles and laughter and it almost looks like the after-view of an antidepressant commercial.

Other days I don't fare so well.

Like lately.

J has something huge coming up. A trip away with his Dad. He has been looking forward to this for a long time and he knows he has to earn it with good behavior, especially in school.

So now he's all pressured, b/c the trip is like days away, and he knows if he gets a detention for not putting a sock in his smart mouth, he will sit home while Dad flies off for the sunny west coast next week.

That kind of pressure means he falls apart with those closest to him even more, b/c whatever energy he's using to behave at school, it's all spent by the time he gets home.

Which translates to, 95% of what comes out of his mouth is negative. No matter how lightly and innocently someone phrases something, he finds something wrong with it. He insults, he gets in people's business, he accuses, he refuses, he lies.

In short, he's driving me insane.

When he can really tell that I've had all I can take with him, he then turns on the charm and smiles puppy dog eyes at me and leans down to hug me and slathers a schmear of "I love you Mommy" on top of the whole mess.
But then he gets right back to it.

In fact, here's a typical day:

J: mentally poke siblings with sticks all morning
Siblings: whine and cry and complain
Me: talk sweetly to everyone about how we're a family and kindness and respect and getting along and blah-blah-blah
All: repeat cycle several times while getting ready for school
Me: explode
J: apologize
A few quiet hours to run errands, get groceries, prep dinner, clean, do laundry, write, etc.
Then the houligans return home.
J: mentally poke siblings with sticks all afternoon/evening
Siblings: whine and cry and complain
Me: talk sweetly to everyone about how we're a family and kindness and respect and getting along and blah-blah-blah
All: repeat cycle several times throughout the afternoon/evening, while I prepare and serve dinner, supervise who has what homework/studying to do, and oversee who needs showers, who has what chores, whose turn it is for the good spot, who needs to do their laundry, whose socks need to be picked up
(insert little infinity sign here)
Me: explode
J: apologize


I know it's just the PTSD at work (see page above if you think this means Petulant, Trouble-making Son-of-a Derelict). I may be crazy but I'm not stupid. He can't handle any change, even if it's good change. And trying to keep respectful to his teachers that are
"Soooooo anNOYing"
takes a lot out of him.

So I get it, I really do.

But it doesn't diminish my secret desire to

a) throttle the child
b) be taken away by Calgon or a York Peppermint Patty
c) run away from home
d) lock them all in the basement and open up the liquor cabinet
e) all of the above



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